Happy Hour Somewhere

I start every single morning with a breakfast of iron. I eat nails and shit razors. Then I go to my computer and delete every single piece of fanmail I have recieved within the night without even bothering to read them. The amount of daily fanmail is measured in googolplexes. That is because I am a high-profile rock star and people would kill to be allowed the grace of sucking my tits. About 90% of the European population have my name tattooed somewhere on their skin. I have my own private jet and I use 100 euro bills as my toilet paper. Once I smoked a blunt wrapped in the original copy of Shakespeare's MacBeth.

In my spare time I am the justice given form. I put on a skin-tight koala bear costume and become koala-Girl, the animal crusader. I don't have many superpowers, but I have the Koalamobile - 2006 Accord- and a young female sidekick who likes to dress in leather and calls me "sweetheart"

I have many talents. I possess a superior analytic intelligence and my knowledge about everything and all is beyond anything ever known to mankind before me. In fact I know the meaning of life.

I have to be completely honest with you; I have enormous balls. My balls have their own gravitational field. 9/11 wasn't actually a terrorist attack; It was me teabagging the WTC towers.

My father is Thor, the God of Thunder, and my mother is the Hive Queen from Aliens. Because you want to know more about me you can read my biography. It's called "Beowulf".

cleopatronising:

what is this show it looks like a showcase of Rihanna’s hair through the ages

(Source: beytrill, via memewhore)

you don’t have to come back (via sbknows)

(Source: extrasad, via gay-masturbation)

I’ve finally realized the difference between loving someone and missing someone. When I loved you, you were the world, your laugh was the only thing that stopped me from shattering and the way you kissed me could stop my heart. I do not love you anymore. But I do miss you. I finally see that there are so many wonderful things in the world, I just wish you were still in mine. I haven’t heard your laugh in a few months and that’s okay, I’ve found other ways to hold myself together, but sometimes it plays in my head and I ache for the way it made me smile. I don’t want to kiss you anymore but on nights when loneliness hits the wall and plunges into my chest, the absence of your lips on mine makes me feel sick. I don’t love you. But I really really miss you.

kuriboss:

Does anyone get upset when you’re dreaming and it ends on a cliffhanger? I’m dead serious I can’t tell you how many times I’m having a good or weird dream then wake up like OMG WHAT DID HE FIND OUT IS HE OK WHAT SHOULD I- fuck what was I dreaming about again

(via lovely-little-liar)